Q: Being a bouncer, how do you manage to stay in suh tip-top shape?
A: Well, just being a bouncer doesn't automatically get you in shape.
It takes a daily regimine of intense training. For example, I've been working for years to be able to get up to 9 push-ups in a row. Not every bouncer can do that. Most of them get worn out after 6 or 7. Plus, a healthy diet of Pizza-pizza helps.

Q: What sound does a drum major make when she falls off the podium?
A: BONG!!!!!!

Q: What is Kelly's platform to be re-elected drum major in '98?
A: "I did not inhale."

Q: What's the drum major's favorite part of the field?
A: The HASH marks

Q: Who is the new third male drum major?
A: Ohhhhhh . . . never mind, that was Kelly.